the love mess

Apart from being obsessed with the global issues of hunger, international relations, natural disasters, poverty, and disease, I also tend to worry about my career sometimes, and at times when time permits, thoughts of my own personal life sneak in and remind me that I'm 30 and single.

There are the obvious social pressures that come with being a single female approaching 30, especially coming from an Iranian family, even a very cool one. Many of my friends from high school are married, some with children, and once out of my downtown bubble of work and fun (now that I live downtown and away from the suburbs), I am often face to face with it.

We have created a right mess of love in the past few decades and it is getting worse. It seems that if we remain single into our late twenties, people start to lose their faith, become jaded, and begin to lose their ways in love and trust. It's a mix of factors I believe. One in which women are more responsible for than men. I feel that men lack the respect they used to have for women, they don't hunger and lust for women as they used to, and as a result, chivalry is very dead, romance is dead, and I believe this results in the failure of relationships and marriages.

It is perhaps that women have made it easy for men to "get what they want". It really is a supply and demand issue and if something is very easy to get, then demand for it will fain. Many women are making it more difficult for others because they take relationships lightly, don't demand respect and responsibility from men, and thus men get trained that way.

Also media does not help by making it look like we all have an abundance of choice and thus people don't fight to save anything, they lose interest and give up fast.

I have come across many men recently that have a very bad view of women, how they 'love drama', 'act crazy', 'don't care', etc. This is a vicious cycle because if men are mistreating women (as a result of women mistreating them perhaps), then women learn that 'men are assholes' and in return learn to behave badly.

As a single female approaching the 30th year of my life I find that men don't appreciate women any more. Men also don't put themselves out there and ask women out or go for what they really want, it is as if they are too scared now, pride and embarrassment seem to win over the matters of the heart. Is it that they aren't facing bears and lions anymore that they have lost their courage and sense of risk-taking? Especially those that are a bit attractive, they do nothing at all, and wait for the women to come to them, and it works for them, and strangely they are happy with the women that approach them, not their ideal perhaps, but at least they didn't have to put themselves out there! It seems like the women are doing all the work now.

If you're a shy woman, then you're out of luck.

The men need to take back their old ways, become the romantic, chivalrous, hunters they used to be. After all, even though socially things may have changed, biologically we are still the same hunter-gatherers. Women still look for someone to 'protect' them, and that means a man of good genes, of high intelligence, and someone that can support them and their offspring. And men need women who are nurturing, caring, and can form the base of the family unit.

We are ignoring our genes at our peril!